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Marriage & Wedding Information |
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Ten Tips for Writing Your Perfect Wedding Vows
1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender is good, but any kind will work). Down the left side of the page, write the numbers 1-10. Now - without stopping to think about it, fill in this page! Write down the first 10 things that come to mind in response to this sentence: "I love (my partner's name) because . . . " Set this piece of paper aside. 2. Now - how about YOU? What do YOU bring to this union? What promises will you make? Take another sheet of paper, and write 'em down - don't worry about spelling, grammar, or anything else at this point. Just write down 4-5 things you want to promise this very special person with whom you want to spend your life. ? Do you promise to be there in bad times as well as good? ? Do you promise to be faithful with your body as well as with your mind and heart? ? Do you promise to support your partner even when he/she isn't perfect? ? Do you promise to share all your resources? Some? ? What about if he/she gets sick? What about if you have a serious fight? You get the idea . . . what are you promising in this union? 3. Think about the language you will use to claim your partner and name your relationship. When you introduce your beloved, what words will you use? Husband? Wife? Spouse? Partner for Life? What energy does each of these have for you? If you don't like one for some reason, throw it out. . . but before you start writing you vows, decide . . . what language will you use? This is a decision you need to make together . . . so start early, and give this as much time as it takes. 4. OK, after you've done steps 1-3, and you've got at least two pages of writing and one decision made - set it all aside. Do something else, preferably with your partner, and preferably fun. Like Christmas trees, weddings get too much "stuff" hung on them, Make yours beautiful, by stepping aside from the stress for a day or two. Go out and remember WHY you love . . . go and play. 5. Done that? Now it's time to make a BIG DECISION. Are each of you going to write your own vow, or do the two of you want to say the same thing? You don't have to, you know - some of the most beautiful ceremonies I've celebrated had each partner saying something different . . . But here's a trick: If you're each creating your own unique vow, why not insert a sentence at the end symbolizing the fact that you come together as unique individuals, and, without surrendering your individuality, you are creating a beautiful, shared union. Here's an example of words each partner might use to complete his or her unique vow: John, I accept you as my husband. I Tracy, embrace you, Susan, as my partner for life. 6. It's time to go back to the papers you wrote in Steps 1 and 2. If you're working together, you'll have fun sharing those pages, and seeing where you overlap . . . Use colored pencils or highliters to lift up what you have in common - and make those promises and statements of love just leap off the page. 7. Now, whether you're working alone or as a couple, it's time to prioritize. Which is fancy language for saying, OK, if I have to cut two of these promises off the list, which ones will they be? Nibble at your lists, removing the things that are just a little less juicy, until you're left with three or four things you love . . . and about the same number of things you promise. 8. Copy these over onto a brand new, clean page. (It's amazing what a difference a clean sheet of paper can make - trust me on this!) 9. One more question . . . this is a wedding, a celebration of your union, presumably for life. Will your vows indicate a time frame? Some couples use phrase like: "Through all our years, and in all that life may bring us . . . " "For the rest of my days" "As long as we both shall live" "lifetime partner." "partner forevermore." Whatever works for you, a wedding or service of union vow should contain a phrase that indicates the duration of your commitment. ( If you've come this far, I hope you've decided to promise your commitment for life.) 10. Read your vow out loud to a trusted someone other than your partner. Does it sound like you? How does it feel to say these words aloud? Have you said anything you'd be embarrassed to say in public? Are there any tongue-tanglers in there? (It's amazing how seemingly simple phrases turn complex when it's time to speak!) Make whatever minor changes you need, and then Stop. Feel good about what you've done - for you have created one of the greatest gifts you will ever make. (c) Maureen Killoran, 2004 Maureen Killoran, MA, DMin, is a Unitarian Minister and a life coach in private practice in Hendersonville, NC. You can learn more about her services as a wedding consultant and officiant at http://www.spiritquest.ws . . . and about her coaching practice at http://www.spiritquestcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES: Every Time Jennifer Lopez Played a Bride on Screen Through the Years: From ‘The Wedding Planner’ to ‘Marry Me’ Yahoo! Voices Rita Ora Recreates Wedding in ‘You Only Love Me’ Video as She Confirms Taika Waititi Marriage Rolling Stone On the Fifth Try, a First Date to Remember The New York Times Newly married Athiya Shetty papped for the first time post wedding with KL Rahul; Watch VIDEO PINKVILLA I'm Getting Married! But How Can I Afford the Wedding? Yahoo Finance Some questions about the Bidens' 1977 Catholic wedding Catholic World Report Shotgun Weddings Were Not That Unusual Back in the Day The Philadelphia Tribune Ask Amy: Our wedding photos revealed the scene I had missed The Mercury News KL Rahul-Athiya Shetty wedding: How much tax will the newly-married couple pay for expensive wedding gifts? Zee Business Wedding Monroe Evening News Leon County Clerk offering free Valentine's Day wedding ceremony Tallahassee Democrat With Their Wedding, a Place of Pain Becomes a Site of Love The New York Times ‘Forced marriage is painful’: bride’s wedding breakdown in China goes viral South China Morning Post Model Jodie Kidd has still not fixed a date for her wedding more than a year after she got engaged Daily Mail Sidharth Malhotra dances with bride at Delhi wedding, shyly changes subject when asked about his marriage with Kiara Advani. Watch The Indian Express Kim Kardashian and Kanye West keep distance as he brings new 'wife' Bianca Censori to kids' game Daily Mail Marriage delayed from losing $17000 to job scam, victim worries ... The Straits Times Shreya Ghoshal's Brother Gets Married In A Spectacular 'Two States Wedding', Bride Looks Prettiest BollywoodShaadis.com Hrithik Roshan And Saba Azad's Marriage: Couple Going To Get Married In A Secret Wedding In 2023 BollywoodShaadis.com How Couples Are Incorporating Pickeball Into Their Weddings The New York Times The President and First Lady Announce the Marriage of their ... The White House After a First Date at Popeyes, Marriage Was on the Menu The New York Times Your dream wedding might not be legal – time to update England's old-fashioned marriage laws The Conversation Supreme Court Hears Arguments on Whether Wedding Website ... Ogletree Deakins The Best Wedding Planning Tips for Older Couples or Second ... Katie Couric Media Congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act. It's not without its ... Pennsylvania Capital-Star ‘Still Growing Together,’ a Teenage Crush Leads to Marriage The New York Times New Services Allow a ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’ Approach to Weddings The New York Times In step toward civil marriage, Jerusalem court accepts ‘Zoom weddings’ from Utah The Times of Israel The Branded Marriage of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker The New York Times Tradition Was Never Their Thing. Why Start With a Wedding? The New York Times Grand Rapids wedding venue owners who say they won’t host LGBTQ marriage events get civil infraction MLive.com Marriage Was Not in His Plan, Divine Intervention Changed That The New York Times Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Wed in Las Vegas The New York Times Biden’s Granddaughter to Hold Wedding on White House’s South Lawn The New York Times |
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