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Infidelity: How "My Marriage Made Me Do It" is a Cop-out
Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: "I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We've grown apart. I can't stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened." These statements are rationalizations and fail to "get at" the underlying issues. Key points: 1. It's as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it's own. In reality, there is no such thing as a "marriage." One is "married" as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no "marriage," there is no such thing as a "relationship." There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his "The devil made me do it" skit? 2. We idealize "marriage" or "romantic relationships" with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don't help much here. A "marriage" is behind the eight ball from the word go. "IT" can't win. 3. From day one most of us don't have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need 'love 101' and it's not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models. 4. If the "marriage" is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, "I'm really unhappy. What I'm doing with you obviously is not working. I want out." Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering. 5. If the "marriage" is bad, obviously, I don't have to look at me. I can blame "it" or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don't know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me. Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the "marriage," don't buy into it. The "marriage" is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy. The "My Marriage Made Me Do It" is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with them, go to: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627
MORE RESOURCES: An Enduring Commitment, Wedding Ring or Not The New York Times Rita Ora Reveals Her Sparkling Emerald and Gold Wedding Ring from Marriage to Taika Waititi Yahoo Entertainment Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence play-fight about who pays for wedding if their children marry Yahoo! Voices CNN's Alex Marquardt Weds Amanda McClements in 'Dreamy' Mallorca Wedding: 'A Magical Joyous Moment' PEOPLE Married At First Sight wedding guest Samantha Symes busts out as she shows off her GG-cup cleavage Daily Mail Quickie Vegas Weddings Just Got Easier — The Airport Location Where You Can Now Grab A Marriage License TravelAwaits Satyadeep Misra On His Second Marriage: 'Wedding With Masaba Gupta Was Not Secretive' | EXCLUSIVE News18 Kiara Advani and Sidharth Malhotra Wedding LIVE Updates: Mehendi, Sangeet Ceremony to be Held Today Zee News A marriage of East and West: Turning wedding dreams of couples from India, abroad into reality The New Indian Express Hugines celebrate 50 years of marriage Walterboro Live Whitehall historic home is holding micro weddings in February Courier Journal Married At First Sight newlyweds reveal bride's wedding dress caught on FIRE during their ceremony Daily Mail They married at a hospital chapel, days before the groom's triple ... American Heart Association News Civil Service couple set example with ‘quiet’ wedding, sponsor orphans’ education The Indian Express ‘Forced marriage is painful’: bride’s wedding breakdown in China goes viral South China Morning Post Priyadarshan, Lissy's son Siddharth gets married. See viral photos | Entertainment News | Onmanorama Onmanorama Pamela Anderson’s dating history from 12 day marriage to Christmas wedding to bodyguard OK! magazine Remembering When Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker Gambled on a Las Vegas Wedding After the Grammys Yahoo Entertainment Sidharth Malhotra dances with bride at Delhi wedding, shyly changes subject when asked about his marriage with Kiara Advani. Watch The Indian Express KL Rahul-Athiya Shetty Marriage: Wedding Venue, Guest List & Everything You Need To Know CricketTimes.com Marilee Fiebig Spotted Without Wedding Ring Amid T.J. Holmes Divorce, Amy Robach Drama Yahoo Entertainment Jarred Italian-Style Soups Trend Hunter Shah Rukh Khan Called 'India's Tom Cruise' By US Critic; Here's Why We & SRK Fans Beg To Differ News18 Athiya Shetty, KL Rahul UNSEEN pics from wedding is all about love, fun and 'Kacchi Kairi' Times Now Married At First Sight's Bronte Schofield flaunts her figure in a skimpy bikini at a Perth beach Daily Mail The President and First Lady Announce the Marriage of their ... The White House How Couples Are Incorporating Pickeball Into Their Weddings The New York Times After a First Date at Popeyes, Marriage Was on the Menu The New York Times Your dream wedding might not be legal – time to update England's old-fashioned marriage laws The Conversation The Best Wedding Planning Tips for Older Couples or Second ... Katie Couric Media Congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act. It's not without its ... Pennsylvania Capital-Star Supreme Court Hears Arguments on Whether Wedding Website ... Ogletree Deakins Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Wed in Las Vegas The New York Times ‘Still Growing Together,’ a Teenage Crush Leads to Marriage The New York Times New Services Allow a ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’ Approach to Weddings The New York Times In step toward civil marriage, Jerusalem court accepts ‘Zoom weddings’ from Utah The Times of Israel |
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