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Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Hearing that your cheating spouse is "in love" with someone else is devastating. I hear often, "I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and "love" someone else?man, that is hard." (Feel free to substitute the word he for she in this article.) What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage? So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to "win her back." He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face. Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to her family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions? daily, sometimes hourly. He is on her like a fly on doo-doo. It doesn't work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found "love." At a deeper level this is confusing enough for the cheating husband or cheating wife. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. Plus, she is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her. If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks. She also is liable to create a polarity and begin comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you don't stand a very good chance of coming out on top. Sorry! Here's a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It's called "back off!" Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent - most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain! Remember, this "in love" state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course. She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within. There will be a voice within her that says, "This will not last. Is this what I really want? At some time I must live in the real world. Where is this taking me? Is this where I really want to go? Why am I so dependent on him? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I'm not with him? What does this say about me?" This is her opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don't get in her way. I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path. At this point with those I coach, I teach them a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you gain more confidence in you - apart from what she does with him - that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm. This is your opportunity to grow to another level. Oh, by the way. She will notice! And?.she might like it. Backing off does not mean that you don't have anything to do with her. Quite the contrary. You want to maintain your contact with her, but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts her with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage. Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage. Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
MORE RESOURCES: On the Fifth Try, a First Date to Remember The New York Times Rita Ora Officially Confirms She's Married to Taika Waititi, Shares Video for 'You Only Love Me' PEOPLE Rita Ora Recreates Wedding in ‘You Only Love Me’ Video as She Confirms Taika Waititi Marriage Rolling Stone Some questions about the Bidens' 1977 Catholic wedding Catholic World Report Post-wedding Blues: Can Getting Married Cause Depression ... Healthnews.com I'm Getting Married! But How Can I Afford the Wedding? Yahoo Finance As I remember it: My first marriage | Opinion | athensreview.com Athens Daily Review Love That Lasts: Dubuque couple grows together through 50 years ... telegraphherald.com Ask Amy: Our wedding photos revealed the scene I had missed The Mercury News With Their Wedding, a Place of Pain Becomes a Site of Love The New York Times KL Rahul-Athiya Shetty wedding: How much tax will the newly-married couple pay for expensive wedding gifts? Zee Business ‘Maagha’ starts, good days for wedding industry in Andhra Pradesh The New Indian Express ‘Forced marriage is painful’: bride’s wedding breakdown in China goes viral South China Morning Post The benefits of getting a pre-nup before your wedding Great British Life Watch: Masaba Gupta And Satyadeep Misra's 3-Tier Wedding Cake Was All Things Royal And Elegant NDTV Food Sidharth Malhotra dances with bride at Delhi wedding, shyly changes subject when asked about his marriage with Kiara Advani. Watch The Indian Express Hrithik Roshan And Saba Azad's Marriage: Couple Going To Get Married In A Secret Wedding In 2023 BollywoodShaadis.com Five Marriage Laws New Kenyan Couples Should Know Kenyans.co.ke The President and First Lady Announce the Marriage of their ... The White House How Couples Are Incorporating Pickeball Into Their Weddings The New York Times After a First Date at Popeyes, Marriage Was on the Menu The New York Times Your dream wedding might not be legal – time to update England's old-fashioned marriage laws The Conversation Supreme Court Hears Arguments on Whether Wedding Website ... Ogletree Deakins The Best Wedding Planning Tips for Older Couples or Second ... Katie Couric Media Congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act. It's not without its ... Pennsylvania Capital-Star ‘Still Growing Together,’ a Teenage Crush Leads to Marriage The New York Times New Services Allow a ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’ Approach to Weddings The New York Times Two Twitch streamers got married. You can probably guess where they broadcasted their nuptials. Tubefilter The Branded Marriage of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker The New York Times Tradition Was Never Their Thing. Why Start With a Wedding? The New York Times Grand Rapids wedding venue owners who say they won’t host LGBTQ marriage events get civil infraction MLive.com Marriage Was Not in His Plan, Divine Intervention Changed That The New York Times |
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