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Wedding Planning: Involve your Fiancé in 10 Easy Steps
He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And now, you're swimming in a sea of euphoria with no horizons. Good thing, too, because there are literally a thousand things to arrange before the big day. You do the research, buckle under and dive in. But you find your fiancé's ardor for the event itself seems to have cooled. It's not that he isn't mad about marrying you; after all, he is a great guy, even if he can't tell a Vera Wang from a Gunny Sack. It's that his preparation style is hands-off, to say the least. And planning a wedding isn't a job built for one. So what to do? Here are ten ways to involve him without increasing both of your stress loads: 1) Delegate areas that have a prayer of interesting him. The worst thing you can do is expect him to match your ten to twenty years of feminine wisdom on the relative merits of buttercream vs. fondant. Here are some probable no areas when roping in a reluctant wedding planner: - Selecting the cake frosting Then there are the potential maybes, fraught with fewer hazards: - Choosing the photographer These are probable yeses, well worth running by your guy: - Selecting the DJ or the band 2) If you ask him to help you choose vendors and styles, narrow down the choices first. It's a jungle of options out there, enough to give the most natural-born party planner pause. So if you want his opinion on photographers, invites, flowers or cakes, narrow down the options to three or four. He's less likely to feel overwhelmed, and more likely to feel like an important part of the process. At times, it'll feel so good to share the load that you'll be tempted to drag him into the buttercream debate despite your better instincts. At these times, take a deep breath, count to ten, and call your mother or your maid of honor. 3) Ask him directly for help. Let him know how important his input is to you, and that you can't do it without him. Guys like to be needed. Your frank request for help may be enough to pull him out of his comfort zone and onto your team. 4) Try the Art Director/Production Staff approach. If you think your guy wants to help, but feels uncomfortable playing "art director," give him "production staff" tasks. Have him make the payments, pick up the food or decor, handle the rentals, do online comparison shopping, or reserve the hotels and reception halls. These are all jobs that will take a load off your shoulders, while freeing up time for the aesthetic stuff you probably enjoy and he doesn't. 5) Get a calendar and put all the planning in black and white. Your fiancé probably doesn't have the first clue in what goes into a wedding. Get your wedding planner, write it all down, and show him. Once he gets over the shock, you'll both probably be able to identify areas that interest him. Make lists of the things you've each agreed to do, and cross them off as they get done. At the very least, he'll be far more supportive when he sees what you're going through. 6) Weave his family heritage/ethnicity/traditions into the ceremony. What did his parents do? He might be surprised at the question, but it could lead somewhere valuable. He might ask his parents about their wedding, and find your wedding consequently enriched. Look through their wedding album together. Are his ancestors German, Polish, Italian, Croatian, Asian? Incorporate some old-world traditions into your ceremony. 7) Don't bring him in too early. Treat your fiance as a bit of a pinch hitter. Sure, you may be fully aware that you can shave 5K off your costs by starting your favor crafts and reservations 18 months ahead of time. But if he's like most guys, the wedding won't become real to him until it draws closer. Expect him to jump in about six months before the actual ceremony, and break into a (relative) frenzy of activity about one month in advance. 8) Talk about something besides the wedding. Guys aren't the only ones who complain about brides-to-be talking of nothing but upcoming nuptials. Sometimes, even girlfriends get overwhelmed by all the wedding chatter. Spend some time alone chatting about anything but the wedding. See a silly movie, split a hot fudge sundae, or watch a basketball game. Do something spontaneous that reminds you both of why you decided to marry in the first place. 9) Check your subtext for hidden meanings. Tempting as it might be, make sure you're not using your fiance as a coin-toss tool (ever noticed how people flip coins to find out what they really want?). When you ask for his opinion, take it seriously. And when you give him ownership of a task, don't second-guess every step. Imagine that your fiancé has told you he's going to draft a dream team in his fantasy football league, and it's going to cost him $20K to participate. Now imagine that he's told you your help is supremely important to him. You'd be a little hesitant to give opinions, right? Some of your ideas might sound feeble, even to your own ears. Hopefully he'd welcome your thoughts, however odd it felt for you to venture them. Now imagine your fiancé feels kind of like that when it comes to the wedding. 10) Remember that men become wedding experts by having one. Chances are, your sweetheart will open his eyes to the wonder of a wedding by the time the rose petals are tossed. Forever after, he'll be examining friend's receptions with a practiced eye, and anticipating the next excuse for a Really Big Shindig. So keep him around, and count on throwing a first-rate anniversary celebration ten years down the road. In a way, that'll be the party that really matters, won't it? Blake Kritzberg is editor at "FavorIdeas.com." Stop by for wedding favor ideas, Save-the-Date eCards, free wedding screensaver, free wedding templates and Bridezilla's weekly adventures at:http://www.favorideas.com
MORE RESOURCES: Portia de Rossi Surprises Wife Ellen DeGeneres with Vow Renewal (and Rewears Her Wedding Dress!) PEOPLE Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's kids notable absentees at his wedding with Nadia Ferreira Marca English Rita Ora Reveals Her Sparkling Emerald and Gold Wedding Ring from Marriage to Taika Waititi - PEOPLE An Enduring Commitment, Wedding Ring or Not The New York Times Clark County Clerk Opens Pop-Up Marriage License Office at Airport ... Clark County, NV (.gov) A marriage of East and West: Turning wedding dreams of couples from India, abroad into reality The New Indian Express Wedding in a field, dancing in a barn, memories forever Hometown Focus Whitehall historic home is holding micro weddings in February Courier Journal Franklin County courthouse holding Valentine's Day wedding ceremonies ABC6OnYourSide.com I'm Getting Married! But How Can I Afford the Wedding? Yahoo Finance ‘Forced marriage is painful’: bride’s wedding breakdown in China goes viral South China Morning Post Brain Teaser For IQ Test: Can you guess who is married in the group within 10 seconds? - Jagran Josh Dubai to allow Las Vegas-style express weddings: Report Arabian Business Dear Abby: Marriage teeters months after wedding Detroit News Sidharth Malhotra dances with bride at Delhi wedding, shyly changes subject when asked about his marriage with Kiara Advani. Watch The Indian Express KL Rahul-Athiya Shetty Marriage: Wedding Venue, Guest List & Everything You Need To Know CricketTimes.com Athiya Shetty, KL Rahul UNSEEN pics from wedding is all about love, fun and 'Kacchi Kairi' Times Now Footage shows jubilant Prince Harry throwing confetti at King Charles' wedding to Camilla Daily Mail Hrithik Roshan And Saba Azad's Marriage: Couple Going To Get Married In A Secret Wedding In 2023 BollywoodShaadis.com The President and First Lady Announce the Marriage of their ... The White House How Couples Are Incorporating Pickeball Into Their Weddings The New York Times After a First Date at Popeyes, Marriage Was on the Menu The New York Times Rainbow Wedding Network Expo attendees celebrate passing of 'Respect for Marriage Act' by Senate 12news.com KPNX Your dream wedding might not be legal – time to update England's old-fashioned marriage laws The Conversation Indonesia Congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act. It's not without its ... Pennsylvania Capital-Star The Best Wedding Planning Tips for Older Couples or Second ... Katie Couric Media Supreme Court Hears Arguments on Whether Wedding Website ... Ogletree Deakins 'Still Growing Together,' a Teenage Crush Leads to Marriage The New York Times Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Wed in Las Vegas The New York Times New Services Allow a ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’ Approach to Weddings The New York Times In step toward civil marriage, Jerusalem court accepts ‘Zoom weddings’ from Utah The Times of Israel Tradition Was Never Their Thing. Why Start With a Wedding? The New York Times The Branded Marriage of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker The New York Times |
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