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New Findings on Happiness Have Implications for Rocky Marriages
Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine's "Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life" suggestions (Time, January 17, 2005, p. A8-A9) increase their own level of happiness, they also increase the odds that they can keep their marriage. The same actions that can lead to a more satisfying life are the ones that can help to improve a troubled marriage. Two of the Time suggestions are to count your blessings by keeping a gratitude journal and to learn to forgive. These same steps are necessary to maximize a spouse's efforts to cope with a marriage that is in danger of falling apart. In their book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse says "I don't love you anymore" co-authors Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner also advise spouses to keep a gratitude journal. According to Wasson and Hefner, this might seem like a strange recommendation, but it's when things aren't going well that you most need to look for the positive things that are present in your life. They write, "A gratitude journal gives you a nudge to remind yourself of the many blessings already present in your life...Being aware of your blessings gives you a broader, more balanced perspective of your life." This, they contend, jump starts the process of being able to see an increased number of positives instead of overlooking them as people in crisis often do. While spouses may start out listing positives such as watching a beautiful sunset, the process makes it easier for them to begin noticing what's right about their partner and marriage instead of only focusing on the negative aspects. The co-authors also agree with the Time suggestion of learning to forgive as a key ingredient in a happy life. They state that "Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and blame. It's something that you do for yourself when you are ready to let go of depleting anger." Wasson and Hefner contend that shaky marriages are usually full of grudges and hurts from the past. According to Dr. Wasson, "Someone has to take the lead in making healthy changes that can change the present dynamics of blame and resentment. One partner deciding to forgive themselves and the partner for not being perfect can have an amazing impact on the marriage and its chances to survive the crisis." The Time article recommends writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has hurt or wronged you. Co-author Hefner sees this as a "courageous step of taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being, as well as the health of your relationship." According to the Time article, University of Illinois psychologist Edward Diener, a.k.a. Dr. Happiness, has found that loss of a spouse is one of two life events that seem to "knock people lastingly below their happiness set point." (The other is loss of a job.) Seventy-three percent of participants in a recent Time poll responded that their relationship with their spouse or partner or their love life is a major source of happiness. Based on the current findings, Wasson and Hefner state that it makes more sense than ever to recognize the potential of a marriage to boost happiness and health and to work to keep and improve it. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
MORE RESOURCES: Total Bellas Star Nikki Bella Says Dress She Wore To Marry Artem Chigvintsev Was Originally Purchased For John Cena Wedding Yahoo Entertainment On the Fifth Try, a First Date to Remember The New York Times Rita Ora Officially Confirms She's Married to Taika Waititi, Shares Video for 'You Only Love Me' PEOPLE Rita Ora Recreates Wedding in ‘You Only Love Me’ Video as She Confirms Taika Waititi Marriage Rolling Stone Some questions about the Bidens' 1977 Catholic wedding Catholic World Report Post-wedding Blues: Can Getting Married Cause Depression ... Healthnews.com I'm Getting Married! But How Can I Afford the Wedding? Yahoo Finance As I remember it: My first marriage | Opinion | athensreview.com Athens Daily Review Love That Lasts: Dubuque couple grows together through 50 years ... telegraphherald.com Ask Amy: Our wedding photos revealed the scene I had missed The Mercury News With Their Wedding, a Place of Pain Becomes a Site of Love The New York Times KL Rahul-Athiya Shetty wedding: How much tax will the newly-married couple pay for expensive wedding gifts? Zee Business ‘Forced marriage is painful’: bride’s wedding breakdown in China goes viral South China Morning Post ‘Maagha’ starts, good days for wedding industry in Andhra Pradesh The New Indian Express The benefits of getting a pre-nup before your wedding Great British Life Watch: Masaba Gupta And Satyadeep Misra's 3-Tier Wedding Cake Was All Things Royal And Elegant NDTV Food Dear Abby: Marriage teeters months after wedding Detroit News Sidharth Malhotra dances with bride at Delhi wedding, shyly changes subject when asked about his marriage with Kiara Advani. Watch The Indian Express Hrithik Roshan And Saba Azad's Marriage: Couple Going To Get Married In A Secret Wedding In 2023 BollywoodShaadis.com Five Marriage Laws New Kenyan Couples Should Know Kenyans.co.ke How Couples Are Incorporating Pickeball Into Their Weddings The New York Times After a First Date at Popeyes, Marriage Was on the Menu The New York Times Rainbow Wedding Network Expo attendees celebrate passing of 'Respect for Marriage Act' by Senate 12news.com KPNX Your dream wedding might not be legal – time to update England's old-fashioned marriage laws The Conversation Supreme Court Hears Arguments on Whether Wedding Website ... Ogletree Deakins The Best Wedding Planning Tips for Older Couples or Second ... Katie Couric Media Congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act. It's not without its ... Pennsylvania Capital-Star ‘Still Growing Together,’ a Teenage Crush Leads to Marriage The New York Times New Services Allow a ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’ Approach to Weddings The New York Times In step toward civil marriage, Jerusalem court accepts ‘Zoom weddings’ from Utah The Times of Israel The Branded Marriage of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker The New York Times Tradition Was Never Their Thing. Why Start With a Wedding? The New York Times Grand Rapids wedding venue owners who say they won’t host LGBTQ marriage events get civil infraction MLive.com Marriage Was Not in His Plan, Divine Intervention Changed That The New York Times |
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