The Need To Perform
I can't believe how much of the year has gone by, but all the same, it's unbelievable how much I've grown through the year and most of it, from demolishing my need to perform.
I grew up playing a lot of hockey, being captain of both my schools when I was in Nigeria and London. The highlight of my career came when I was 10 on a wonderful warm day when we were playing an outdoor hockey game. Apparently I did some really cool skill with the stick and the ball. Everyone was like "wow" and clapping. I didn't really understand what I did, but nevertheless it was great and I learnt something. The entire sports department were talking about it for weeks. By the way, at that point, I went on to just shoot and watch the ball roll into the goal.
That is and will remain to be an unforgettable moment for me as everyone was congratulating me for the goal and my skillful moment. However, my attention was taken in another direction. In the stands, I saw my mum. I ran up to her, and she said, "That goalie never had a chance." Hearing those words, and sensing that appreciation was a real awesome feeling, and from that grew my need to be appreciated.
Needs generally come from our experiences from childhood and perhaps they are something we really wanted, and never got. All our parents certainly did the best they could and for that we are really grateful. About 95% of the human population is driven by needs, but the extent to which your particular need drives you may be the deciding factor in how successful you are.
If we relate this to the music world, from a young age, you may have never really got the opportunities you may have liked to perform and so from that grew your need to perform. When our needs are unchecked, they act as engines, driving us to behave in ways that we believe will lead to the experience of having our needs fulfilled.
When a need exists, it is either conscious or unconscious. As humans, we are the only species in this universe that are conscious that we are conscious. We are the only species that are aware that we are aware. And as humans, we are constantly striving to meet our needs. This consumes a lot of our energy. What we need to do is really understand where our needs come from and eliminating these dynamics will transform your entire life.
My need of appreciation only made me strive to be appreciated so that I can be told that I'm good and feel good. But that doesn't seem to last long as after a few seconds I need to feel good again. This wasn't really making me happier, just draining a lot of energy out of me. It's important to understand the energy we create when we have a need present in our lives. Think about when somebody gives you a call only when they need you. How does that make you feel?
When you are coming from a place of need, this is the kind energy you are giving off and thus this is the type of energy you attract back to you. Sometimes when you think that your need has gone and you're very clear about what you want to attract into your life but you still feel stuck, it is probable that if you dig deep, there is still a need that has a grip on you. Without addressing the need, we will continue to create the same problem (in different forms) until we eliminate the need.
Common needs that I've seen are the need to be liked, the need to be heard, the need to sing, the need for security, the need to have money, etc. What are your needs? What is it that you want to do, and if you don't you get upset? What do you strive to do, but although you get the result, it takes a lot of energy out of you? These are your needs. It is good to know them. Most people go through life like this, really having a need and not able to live their true, free selves. You know better. Needs are easy to see and feel, yet we are usually blind to their influence on us. If you look closer, you can find that hold. A good way to identify a particular need is to consider these questions..
1. What are the patterns of problems in your life?
2. Where do you feel most stuck?
3. What causes you to get upset most?
4. Ask someone to say what they see at work within you.
By recognising and eliminating the need of appreciation, I've been able to create my life on purpose and in harmony with my desires instead of feeding a childhood wound.
Kavit Haria is the musicians coach, working with musicians to facilitate and further their personal and professional development so that they can achieve their desired results. Kavit runs InnerRhythm, a coaching practice for musicians in London, UK and runs a free fortnightly newsletter action-packed with tools, tips and strategies to make you a successful musician. Subscribe here: http://www.coachkavit.com
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news
YouTube's latest partnership shows how it's had to learn to play a different game to win in the music business - Business Insider
Thomas Jefferson and the Chinese Gong
While Richard Nixon's diplomatic visit to China may have created a minor thaw in Sino-US relations, he was not the first President to try to get in sync with the Chinese. Thomas Jefferson preceded him by close to two centuries.
1959 Stratocaster Vintage Guitars
Mid 1959 Stratocaster vintage guitars have a slabrosewood fingerboard with white "clay" positiondots. The fingerboard radius of this Fender guitaris 7.
Jazz: What In The Heck Is It?
All of us know what jazz is when we hear it, but trying to define it is a different matter. With so many variant styles, coming up with an accurate definition of jazz is difficult if not impossible.
Legal Free Music Downloads - Songs You Want at No Cost
It's all over the news these days. Download music from the Internet and you could be sued, fined, and/or go to jail.
Protocol for Piping a Formal Dinner: A Ceremonial Guide for Highland Bagpipers
It is believed that the custom of dining in began in the monasteries, was adopted by the early universities, and later spread to military units when the officer's mess was established. British officers of the 19th century were drawn from the aristocracy, and while they considered themselves gentlemen, they were not necessarily men of means; third and fourth sons had little chance of inheriting title and lands under primogeniture.
How Many Guitar Chords Do I Need To Know?
Guitar chords, (chords played specifically on a guitar,) differ only from other types of chords by virtue of instrument; they're simply a series of three or more notes played together. These notes don't necessarily have to be played simultaneously, however.
Is Rhapsody Music Downloads Service Getting A Good Rhap?
Rhapsody music, from RealNetworks is one of several reputable legal digital services for legal music downloads. In order to download online music or hear songs from them you have to pay for them first.
Avoid These 3 Common Mistakes - When Improvising
Mistake #1 - Thinking about what you're going to playA lot of students think there should be some kind of preparation before improvising on the piano. They are right! There should be some thought as to the sound, tonality, key - but once these choices are made the thinking should stop and the playing should begin.
How to Stop Thinking and Start Playing
Learning how to improvise is confusing for most. The sheer number of choices becomes a burden.
Piano Teachers - Whats Wrong with Them?
Most of us like to use what we learn right away. So why is it that most piano teachers tell you you can't really play music until you learn 2 years of theory or more? What hogwash!If I had to wait that long before I could launch into my own creations I would go nuts.
How To Dress Up Naked Music On The Piano
What in the world is "naked music?"You know it when you hear it, but the words that describe it sound strange, don't they? We've all heard of popular music and rock music and gospel music and jazz music, but naked music?Naked music is simply the notes on a piece of sheet music. It's "naked" - not dressed up or arranged at all.
Why New Musicians (Rappers) Fail: Three Reasons and Solutions
Despite the title of this article, the purpose of it is actually to HELP new emcees AVOID some common traps on their journey to learning how to rap better. You can come up with a million reasons why new rappers fail?or why any artist fails for that matter, but we've boiled the list down to three specific to new emcees.
Defining The True Artist - Do You Have What It Takes?
"The real communicating artists seek unique expression. They are not interested anymore in sounding like their heroes, they are searching constantly, developing and refining their own unique voice.
Why Do Music Lovers Still Prefer to Buy Records?
In the late 1940's, the 45-RPM record replaced the 78-RPM record. The 45 was smaller, less breakable and could be made and sold more cheaply.
Are iPods Changing the Way We Listen to Music
They're everywhere, and not only are they everywhere, they look cool too. Since its launch in 2001, 10 million have sold and 8 million of those were in 2004.
Facts about Betty Kresin, Eminems grandmother
Betty Kresin, Eminem's grandmother from the maternal side , got married at the age of 14. She got six children from 3 different marriages.
Repetition is the Key to Learning Something Deeply
Repetition is the key to learning something deeply. It works most effectively when you are isolating a small amount of material, because the object of your focus will be more specific.
Music Bytes - Tips For Saving On Professional Software For Musicians, Part I
If you are outraged by the prices software giants demand for their tools, it's time to check out shareware. Small independent developers often provide similar solutions that cost three to five times less AND you get to try them before paying.
How to Remove DRM from WMA - Is It Legal and Worth the Effort?
Technically, it's illegal to remove DRM from WMA protected music. Digital Rights Management (DRM) is part of the music industry's effort to curb piracy.
Learn to Fiddle the Orange Blossom Special, the Most Popular Fiddle Tune in the World
Learning to fiddle the Orange Blossom Special is not easy, but it's truly worth the effort. The Orange Blossom Special is unequaled in popularity.
|home | site map|